“Four mental patients and a little girl,” that is how my phupa describes the situation at my thaya’s house.
Today we brought over a nurse. He described what sort of care he can provide. My aunt felt she could do everything herself, and she did not want a stranger in the house. It is useless to reason with her. She is not sane. But it is her house, and it is she who must willingly accept a nurse to assist her. Tonight I go back to try to convince her son, another crazy person, that the nurse is a good idea. If he says no, I can’t give up. I have to show up at the house with the nurse. He might let us in and see that it is beneficial for him that the nurse be allowed to help, that his life can be easier; or he might not even open the door for us.
The real question for me is when do I stop? I know I am not as good as my brother when it comes to dealing with these crazy people.
Saturday, September 9, 2006
Thursday, September 7, 2006
Reality Check
I am coming from a culture where life is valued.
Maybe this is because I am removed from death and the dying. Dealing with the dying is not a part of my daily life. It was for a brief moment. But my father had a different personality than the rest of his siblings. He lived life to the fullest, and he clung on to it to till the very end. I did not have to deal with a person who had lost hope.
Maybe I would see things differently if my father had been different. It is easy for me to say that my relatives must give my uncle the will to live. It is difficult for me to see a perspective in which it is better for him to die.
Even before he had the stroke that has left him in need of physical therapy to regain the full use of his left arm and leg, he had nearly lost his eyesight and had difficulty walking. He lacked the desire to deal with his diabetes, and his wife it seems has always been against any serious medical treatment whether it was for her parents or now for her husband.
Should I let it go (my principles and values of life, doing good, being responsible)
and face “reality”?
Maybe this is because I am removed from death and the dying. Dealing with the dying is not a part of my daily life. It was for a brief moment. But my father had a different personality than the rest of his siblings. He lived life to the fullest, and he clung on to it to till the very end. I did not have to deal with a person who had lost hope.
Maybe I would see things differently if my father had been different. It is easy for me to say that my relatives must give my uncle the will to live. It is difficult for me to see a perspective in which it is better for him to die.
Even before he had the stroke that has left him in need of physical therapy to regain the full use of his left arm and leg, he had nearly lost his eyesight and had difficulty walking. He lacked the desire to deal with his diabetes, and his wife it seems has always been against any serious medical treatment whether it was for her parents or now for her husband.
Should I let it go (my principles and values of life, doing good, being responsible)
and face “reality”?
Taking Action
How do I take action in a social system built upon principles that are different from my own?
I guess my own values are:
-giving love,
-doing good,
-being just,
-fulfilling duty,
-being free,
-having knowledge,
-and taking action.
The values of my family in Pakistan are:
-showing respect,
-not violating a code of honor,
-obeying authority,
-and being fatalistic.
When I told my relatives last night that they can’t let my uncle die like this, that they have to give him hope, and that I will do whatever I can to help, regardless of who gets in my way; I may have let my emotions take over, I raised my voice to those who are older than me. I wasn’t alone in the room. There were other relative there who say that they feel the same as me, that what is going on is not right. But over the past month they have been unable to take action.
So when I said what I said. I expect support.
But instead my cousin tells me that she thinks I should not have raised my voice to an elder. I told her that regardless of what people think about me or what I did, it is more important to save the life of my uncle, that in the end that is the goal. I don’t care if people think of me as disrespectful. I believe that we will be held accountable to God as individuals. And I don’t believe he will punish me for raising my voice to an older cousin and aunt who I believe are inadvertently killing my uncle and relatives who sit idly by letting it happen.
I guess my own values are:
-giving love,
-doing good,
-being just,
-fulfilling duty,
-being free,
-having knowledge,
-and taking action.
The values of my family in Pakistan are:
-showing respect,
-not violating a code of honor,
-obeying authority,
-and being fatalistic.
When I told my relatives last night that they can’t let my uncle die like this, that they have to give him hope, and that I will do whatever I can to help, regardless of who gets in my way; I may have let my emotions take over, I raised my voice to those who are older than me. I wasn’t alone in the room. There were other relative there who say that they feel the same as me, that what is going on is not right. But over the past month they have been unable to take action.
So when I said what I said. I expect support.
But instead my cousin tells me that she thinks I should not have raised my voice to an elder. I told her that regardless of what people think about me or what I did, it is more important to save the life of my uncle, that in the end that is the goal. I don’t care if people think of me as disrespectful. I believe that we will be held accountable to God as individuals. And I don’t believe he will punish me for raising my voice to an older cousin and aunt who I believe are inadvertently killing my uncle and relatives who sit idly by letting it happen.
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
The will to live. That is what is missing. My uncle has lost the will to live. He has given up. Given in to the idea that it is his time; that God has chosen this time for him; and there is nothing more to do; other than pray for forgiveness, pray for the success of others, and wait to die… Oh yes, and occasionally ask God why! What a horrible situation. How do you encourage someone to live?
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
family
what is a family?
what is the responsibility of one member to another?
what if you do not carry out your responsibility?
who does that responsibility then go to?
if it falls upon me,
then how far should I go...
to act upon that unfulfilled responsibility of another?
what are the consequeses of my actions?
should i care about the consequeces?...
if it is now MY responsibility,
then i should go as far as i think I have to!
damn the consequences!!
i'm here in pakistan. i came to attend my sister-in-law's wedding in islamabad. it was supposed to be a relaxing getaway. a chance for my wife to see her family again. she had married me 8 months ago, and moved to america about a week after our wedding. we came to pakistan on the first flight we could get right after her immigration interview. her sister's wedding events were set to take place a couple days after we arrived. she was very eagerly awaiting this trip for the last few months...
the first day went fine. so did the second.
on the third day everything changed.
we recieved word in the morning that my aunt in karachi had passed away...
i went to karachi and spent the couple days before the wedding with my family. my brother and my aunt's sister had taken the first flight they could get from miami. my sister was already in karachi for the past week buying things for her own wedding next year...
about a month or so ago, my father's elder brother here in karachi, had suffered a stroke. my sister had already gone to visit him a couple days before and she said that things were not good. after my brother arrived we went together, the three of us...
my joy had turned to sorrow...
and after the initial shock and confusion,
the more aware i become of what is going on here,
...i feel anger.
tonight i spoke my mind to my family.
after i speak i always think about what i could have said that i did not.
and what i did say that i should not have.
it could have gone differently...
NO! it went how it went!
i think about the consequences...
NO! damn the the consequences!
what is the responsibility of one member to another?
what if you do not carry out your responsibility?
who does that responsibility then go to?
if it falls upon me,
then how far should I go...
to act upon that unfulfilled responsibility of another?
what are the consequeses of my actions?
should i care about the consequeces?...
if it is now MY responsibility,
then i should go as far as i think I have to!
damn the consequences!!
i'm here in pakistan. i came to attend my sister-in-law's wedding in islamabad. it was supposed to be a relaxing getaway. a chance for my wife to see her family again. she had married me 8 months ago, and moved to america about a week after our wedding. we came to pakistan on the first flight we could get right after her immigration interview. her sister's wedding events were set to take place a couple days after we arrived. she was very eagerly awaiting this trip for the last few months...
the first day went fine. so did the second.
on the third day everything changed.
we recieved word in the morning that my aunt in karachi had passed away...
i went to karachi and spent the couple days before the wedding with my family. my brother and my aunt's sister had taken the first flight they could get from miami. my sister was already in karachi for the past week buying things for her own wedding next year...
about a month or so ago, my father's elder brother here in karachi, had suffered a stroke. my sister had already gone to visit him a couple days before and she said that things were not good. after my brother arrived we went together, the three of us...
my joy had turned to sorrow...
and after the initial shock and confusion,
the more aware i become of what is going on here,
...i feel anger.
tonight i spoke my mind to my family.
after i speak i always think about what i could have said that i did not.
and what i did say that i should not have.
it could have gone differently...
NO! it went how it went!
i think about the consequences...
NO! damn the the consequences!
Monday, September 4, 2006
i'm here in pakistan. i came to attend my sister-in-law's wedding in islamabad. it was supposed to be a relaxing getaway. a chance for my wife to see her family again. she had married me 8 months ago, and moved to america about a week after our wedding. we came to pakistan on the first flight we could get right after her immigration interview. her sister's wedding events were set to take place a couple days after we arrived. she was very eagerly awaiting this trip for the last few months... the first day went fine. so did the second. on the third day everything changed. we recieved word in the morning that my aunt in karachi had passed away... i went to karachi and spent the couple days before the wedding with my family. my brother and my aunt's sister had taken the first flight they could get from miami. my sister was already in karachi for the past week buying things for her own wedding next year... about a month or so ago, my father's elder brother here in karachi, had suffered a stroke. my sister had already gone to visit him a couple days before and she said that things were not good. after my brother arrived we went together, the three of us...
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