Oh my God! i'm getting married

its starting to hit me now. for a long time the idea of me getting married was kind of abstract. even after i gave her the ring. maybe because there was no date, it still felt like an idea, not reality. so it didn't really affect me so much. but now... i'm feeling it. that "oh my god i'm getting married!" feeling. it hit me after a phone call from mahreen. its not bad or good, its just a feeling i havn't felt before. i'm kind of feeling helpless. my mind starts to go blank when i think about what i have to do now. even though my sister and my mamoo got married in karachi, i didn't do any of the planning. i've felt helpless before, back when i was having difficulties in architecture school. but that was a bad helplessness, it was mixed with a hopelessness about the future, this time i'm actually looking forward to the future. i can see it, touch it, taste it. i want it. i want her. but to get to be with her, i have to do something that i don't know. in a place that i don't know. and that makes me feel a little helpless. i ask myself "what do i do next?" and i have no answer. i thought i knew our traditions, but at the moment, i can't recall any procedures and protocals. images of past weddings flash in my mind. but they are completely out of sequence. this will be such an important event in our lives and here i am not able to comprehend how to do it. i can see why my mother was so nervous, and why she wanted her brother and mother to be with her. i'm feeling the same loss of my father that she's been feeling for the past few months. that feeling of loss comes and goes. i felt it last year when we were going through reforms in our company, and i feel it now. but when i think about the reception we would have here in miami. i feel good. i can imagine the happy faces of all of my fathers friends. they kind of see me as a son, i was one of the first of their kids to be born in miami. they are really looking forward to this. i imagine that miami event, and the nervousness kind of goes away. while most of what i need to do will be taken care of by my mother, it's time for me to call my cousins and get some advice on what my role should be.