unsettled state of being

Dr. Abou el Fadl wrote some beautiful words recently: "What an unsettled state of being when the mind thunders with longings, as the eyes crave to be filled with beauty.""Are we dwellers in the ruins of a dead civilization bewailing the lost memories, or are we the inventive architects of history? Are we the refuse of bygone historical experiments, or are we a part of the timeless truth etched in the conscience of humanity? Are we an ongoing revolution liberating human beings from their primal fears, or are we simply a mindless reaction to the deconstructions of modernity?" "I can understand how a people constantly under siege, and a people kept away from the Conference because of the demands of survival, lose the temperament that would cradle their search for beauty. But regardless of the reasons, I cannot understand how without such a temperament, a nation can be “given” so that it will transcend itself, and give to all of humanity." "But pillared in place by impenetrable fogs of confusion, I wrap myself in shields of patience, and in an unwavering belief in the illuminations of beauty. I long to dismantle this arrogant edifice in perfect submission to the primordial beauty, for can the mundane find a greater liberty than in its submission to divinity?" "free-willed decision to migrate to You in full dignity. I long to submit my strength not my weakness, bonded by love not undone by fear. God, bless me and bless my people with the magnanimity of love, and the strength to long, and cure me from the desolations of despair and distortions of fear."... well, ... - i want to apologize to my scholars and friends. i'm desprately trying to evolve beyond simple minded activism. I've been an activist at leadership positions since age 15 and in moments of frustration and foolish arrogance, i say things that have no meaning. the scholarly writings of Nasr, Murad, and Abou el Fadl(the philosopher, the sufi, the faqih) give me the strength to keep evolving. a few years ago i would not have understood the ideas in thier books, or the things that their students say and write. but i do now and i would'nt change one word, i wouldn't want them to dumb anything down. their words are all extremely meaningful to me... to heck with the stupid masses. my own journey to be able to understand profound words of insight had little to do with the scholar and all to do with my own state of mind. and i was glad to have scholarly books available for me to read and contemplate upon. it's said that we all have different roles to play in our society... Let the individual decide his or her own role and let's back off each other. a spark was lit a year and a half ago in me, and it was not by any inspiring lecturer, book, or event. it happened when i took a step back and looked at what was going on around me at the time. with RUMI by my side, i started an examination of myself and my own role in my surroundings, i was abolutely not expecting the longings for beauty that then began to take hold of me. while i long for a world in love with god, i pray to god that my own "unsettled state of being" does not end anytime soon.