remembrance of death

A few hours ago I heard bad news.
a cousin of mine was shot and killed
The murder stole his cell phone and then shot him.
It is to Allah we belong and to Him that we return.

I am reminded of something Imam Zaid Shakir said in a lecture.
Imagine that I am on one end of a field.
There deep holes in various spots that can't be avoided.
I have to walk towards the other side.
But its dark so I don't know...
that hole can be right in front of me.

That hole in front of me is death,
The field is this world i live in.
To walk is to live life.
I cannot choose to stand still...
I cannot fear death...

If I know that I can die at any moment,
Then I know what sort of life I should live.
One without regrets...
And I know what sort of preparations I should make.
I know I have to go on a journey,
I better start packing my bags.

I feel incredible guilt right now.
My last interaction with my cousin could have gone much better then it did. I must keep myself from thinking that I could have done something different, that maybe he still would be here instead of pakistan getting shot for no good reason.

It is said that we should remember death often.
Not so difficult when a member of my family or friends dies every few months.

As I write this I see a set of CDs I purchased a few months ago, its a commentary of Al-Ghazali's Remembrance of Death and Afterlife by Abdul Hakim Murad. Its time to open it and go to sleep listening to it tonight.