my mother's hijab

On the drive to the airport our conversation turned to hijab...

it was triggered by a news report about a seller of hijab in jordan who said that those who wear it for fashion are too picky, they apperently want colors he does not have.

she was told by someone in miami that there are girls here too that wear it for fashion.
I said that there IS a difference between those who wear it because their older sisters were wearing it and those older sisters who decided to put it on for some reason. for some of the younger ones, its just another thing they grew up wearing, and the more fashion concious they get, the more fashionable the hijab gets. for some of the older ones its based on a search for identity and belonging, or a choice for modesty, or both.

I said we grow up here without a connection to a historical tradition of modest dress or hair covering, and those among us who desire to be as modest as God wants us to are left to read the original sources for our selves and figure out how to dress appropriately.

It just so happened that this vacuum was filled by revivalist arabs from the middle east who wore their head coverings in a particular way and called it the "hijab" or the "kufi". Not the "dupata" or the "topee".

The idea of covering the head as a traditional form of modesty goes all the way back to the Prophet. My mother mentioned that in Badaun, even to this day the men do not leave the house unless there is something on the head. Covering the head is a method of showing of respect and humbleness.

For the Women its a slightly different issue. My mother mentioned that modest loose fitting dress is what is most important, and it is what she made my sisters wear, and she would give them a scarf to place around the neck as an extra form of modesty.

She mentioned that when she came to america she did not wear the hijab. But she always had a dupatta as a extra piece of garment thrown over the bossom for modesty. And could be used to cover the hair when it was time to pray, or at times when it was important to humble oneself and show respect to the recitation of God's Word.

She said that it was an arab girl who first showed her the "hijab". she needed a place to stay during a break in university, and while living with us, she mentioned to my mother the places in the Quran where modest dress is mentioned, and how important it is for muslims in America to dress accordingly. My mother agreed. My mother said her father had always asked her to dress modestly. She even made a loose coat for herself for whever she would go out to university and along with the coat would be a dupata. But the dupata styles changed over time to the point that it was very hard for her to use. The dupata became more of a fashion statement.

My mother said that in the past, it wasn't like the dupatta was not fashionable, it was. There was a form of seclusion of women in society that allowed them to be very fashionable when they were among themselves and with their family in the "zenana", and they would go out in public with a "burqa" garment that could provide the necessary form of modesy as they went from zenana to zenana. Even the rickshas were covered to allow them to travel in seclusion. (the reasons and meaning of the seclusion of women to this extent is another topic). And, to this day, my grandmother wears a loose black burqa robe over her stylish dress when she goes outside. (wearing the burqa does not mean she wears a "niqab" to cover her face. my grandmother does not veil her face.)

Over time the notions of social modesty changed and the secluded zenana and concealing burqa became a thing of the past (or the "backward" as its critics might suggest) For people like my mother it made things challenging. She grew up in a family that valued traditional forms of modesty. For people like her, the fashions became too modern for her to follow. And in America, she had to resist the peer pressure of discarding the dupata entirely. She had to figure out how to be both, fashionable and modest. gone were the days of not worrying about modesty in fashion because they had a secluded zenana or burqa or loose long coat to wear outside. She even had to give up on dupata fashions and just wear an older style dupata or a nice scarf thrown over her shoulders.

it didn't help that my younger brother and sister would throw it off or remove it easily while they were in her arms. And when my sister and I got involved in muslim youth activities in the early 90's, my mother reconnected with the head covering called hijab she was shown many years earlier and how it was worn so confortably and stayed in place regardless of the kid in her arms... and so she started wearing it. and was emboldened when her own daughters started wearing it.