recently i had an interesting internet chat with my wife. i wish i had copy and pasted the entire conversation, my memory is not very reliable. some very important issues came up.
she said she should accept me for who i am rather then wanting me to change my ways. and that she should be able to distinguish between what she wants and what she needs. and not confuse the two things. she wants to be able to open her email and find a nice message from her husband, she expects it. it makes her happy when it happens. but she doesn't need it.
i think that psychologists refer to specific list of things as real needs, like power, safety, survival, belonging, etc., and everything else is basically something that helps fullfill these fundamental needs, it can be considered a want. you can change your want but you can't change your needs. for example my wife needs power, so she wants me to change something about me. it will fulfill her need for power.
so i guess i should help her to find something else that helps fullfill her need for power.
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