the opposite sex

I got a call from my cousin today asking me about my thoughts on the issue of hanging out with the opposite sex. I've had a different upbringing then most in the mainstream. When I was growing up, I never had female friends with whom I hung out. My friends, those whom I chose to be my companions, were boys...

whether in my schools, in my neighborhood of Palm Springs Hialeah, in my immigrant community of Pakistanis, or in my religious minority community of Muslims... All boys!

Why no girls? well its complicated. Of course girls were around. But, I never considered them as my friends. Thinking back on it now, I guess I put them into other categories.
1)family
2)friends of my sister, or sisters of my friends
3)colleagues in my classes or youth organizations

but there was no forth category of:
4)girls I chose to be my friends

not until college. and even then I found it very awkward to deal with girls as friends. I would not know how to talk around them, or how to compose myself around them.

Why? Maybe because of my involvement in youth groups that taught us to constantly be on guard with the opposite sex. Maybe because of the way my mother raised me. But, I can't really remember any instance of my mother telling me not to make friends with a girl. I don't understand why I didn't. I got involved in youth groups at an early age. Religious modesty and rules of interaction were matters of dogma that were ingrained in me.

I guess I was always conscious of the fact that they were female. I guess I would identify their sex before I would identify them as who they were. I'm sure my body language conveyed a message that I was uncomfortable with them. I guess thats why they didn't like me very much. At least thats what I hear from those who knew me in college. My inability to feel comfortable around women extended into any conversations I would have with potential fiances. Anyways, towards the end of my stay in Austin, I began to open up a little. And included some girls into my circle of friends.

My background has put me in a disadvantage. And I'm sure some uneasyness will show itself in any interactions I will have with professional architecture colleages. I still feel awkward making friends with a woman. And the only woman I really hung out with is my wife. And the real hanging out happened after we got married.