attraction+muhabbat=ishq

mahreen said: "i believe that loving someone is not in ur hands...u just fall in love and wen u do u dont think about the pros and cons of it...once everything is done then only the reality hits you and most of the time it isnt in your favor..and then it is very painful and it hurts.." ... ahh ishq. i see it as the coming together of attraction and muhabbat. by attraction i mean the desire to be near to or possess. by muhabbat i mean the willingness to sacrifice for. sacrify time, energy, money, everything. i can have muhabbat for my family and my friends. muhabbat requires selflessness. Though both are translated into english as "love", they are not the same. Ishq requires an attraction. who we are attracted to is not in our hands. I may meet someone and feel it, or meet someone and not feel it. i think it can be physical or emotional. emotional attraction is situational. where i might become attracted to someone after sharing an experience, being in the same situation. or i might not. it would be an attraction that previously did not exist. either way. it's not in my control. i've seen this type of attraction bring together opposites, throwing the compatible character issue out the window.... now, when an attraction is combined with muhabbat.... when i am ready to give up all, sacrifice myself for the person i am attracted to. i think that is when Ishq happens. Passion! It is the most intense form of love two people can experience. And it can be onesided. in fact it often is. Yes, it is soo powerful that if it is disrupted or breaks down, It hurts. pain at its end is probably a way of knowing that you loved that person. pain seems to be common to all types of love. Such is also the case with muhabbat. muhabbat that has no element of attraction also hurts when it comes to an end.... most of the time Ishq seems to end badly. i think because we are human and we can become selfish at anytime. Selfishness and Ishq is a recipe for disaster. But Selflessness and Ishq. Wow!... I think its definitely true, that Ishq is not in our control. because attraction is not in our control. It can go as fast as it appears. But does that mean that a relationship must come to an end? I say no. If a relationship based on muhabbat exists. there can be shifts of sometimes Ishq, sometimes No Ishq. No Ishq in the beginning does not rule it out later. A loss of Ishq in the middle does not mean it won't return later. Anyone I've been attracted to at any point in my life is someone I still care for them in some form or another. Considering that irresponsible Ishq can become such a powerful destablizing force. I guess marriage was constructed to keep society stable. And unlike Catholic Christianity. I like to think that Islam allowed for divorce, due to cases when no attraction happened or too much selfishness kept muhabbat from developing.

attraction and compatibility

we've been lucky here in miami, the hurricanes bypass us. we got winds and rain, some people lost power. basically we got very very wet...

when it comes to love, what i believe must be done is not necessarily what i do. it's what i strive for. its my ideal picture. on a more human level there is still the element of attraction and compatibility. but nothing is clear to me. compatibility can mean having common personalities, having common experiences, having similar family background. i have many things in common with mahreen. but what if compatible people are complimentary to each other. in which case it has nothing to do with similar character traits. maybe we are complimentary to each other, i don't know. the science of compatibility is quite complicated. its more like an art. :-)

my masjid and me

last friday... i backed up my friend's right as a member of the masjid association to speak to the leadership. i back up my friend as he passes out a letter by opposition board members who seek to rehire our old imam. some shmo approachs him in an attempt to intimidate him. that shmo has done it before. physical intimidation has been used before. membership forms taken out of hands as more people are sought to join of the association. people pushed, people threatened. i wasn't there at the time. - last friday... my conversation with my friend is interrupted by a goon. in an attempt to intimidate us. this goon starts to raise his voice at us. i reiterate our right as members to him. i ask him if he is a board member. i tell him, if he isn't, he better step off. a board member tries to diffuse the situation. i reiterate our rights as members to him as well. i've never spoken with disrespect to this board member. and i tell him that i don't intend to be disrespectful now either. i tell him that these people better backoff. i am a member. - last friday... this board member, who happens to be the cause of the imam troubles, now knows that i am a supporter of his opposition. the goons see me talking to him about my rights in a raised voice. they are his goons. the head goon approaches me in a threatening manner. my friend gets in the way, facing me, calming me down. the goon says "get your ass out of the masjid." my brother and others come running to calm things down. the goon, that bastard, pushes my brother to the side with a hand to the side of his neck. as they walk me away, i get in his face. i look him in the eyes. "YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON MY BROTHER!" they grab me and walk me away. someone whispers to me that the police are coming. so i sit down at a table. "this is my masjid. i will not leave. i will sit here and calm myself down." - last friday... after things are calmed down. the police arrive. the bastard is pointed out. battery is a misdemeaner. my brother can file charges later if he desires. he chooses not to right now. the bastard is given a warning. the first time they got away with abuse. this time they were warned. there better not be another. i do not get intimidated. i excersize my rights. - after last friday... i confronted the vice chair of the board. i told him that it was time for him to act. time to stop defending the actions of people who hurt members. who threaten those of us who volunteer at this masjid. i told him that he must defend us. time for him to be a strong leader. when spoke to him nicely he has dismissed my concerns. so the next time i was angryer. i was louder. it was in front of people who backed up my concerns. it felt good. i don't care what happens. he a weak leader. he is weak. he needs to be replaced. - before last friday... i was marginally involved in the politics of this masjid. now i find myself being invited to secretive meetings of the opposition. i find their political ploting tiresome. i say "go ahead and do what you want. you are the board and you must resolve your issues." but i am a member who has a bigger picture. should i work to create another organization that empowers the members? should i go to NAIT to take the masjid out of the hands of a disfunctional organization? it is dysfunctional if working within the system gets no where. if speaking out gets you hurt. if members are not given the right to remove crooked or incompitent board members. if this plotting opposition has to find loop holes to take action. if it fails to ask us members what we want out of our association. i'll do it. i tell them this... dysfunction sucks. what do we do? i hate politics. i hate violent bastard goons more. they are a source of rage in me. i love people who do good. i wish we can empower them instead of "leaders". the less leaders we have, the better we are. the less interferance with those who do good. the less they plot among themsleves. the events of last friday reinforce these ideas.

the peoples masjid

Our masjid in Miami is going through Imam issues. A few weeks ago I came to the conclusion that having a permanent Imam often accomplishes nothing. When it comes to prayers in jamat, I favor what I shall call the "dawat system". It can be seen in action at any party(dawat) when the praying folk notice that it is time. They line up and usually the one they feel is most worthy to lead is shoved forward. I'd love to see it in slow-motion. Its almost like a dance when the first choice resists."you lead!" - "NO! YOU lead!" - "Please NO! YOU!" - "OK, I'll Do it DAMN IT, Halftime's ending!"... I like the idea of the empowering worshipper. An ABD/slave with the freedom to choose. NICE! The only difficulty is the Friday prayer. I have an idea. I like the South Asian way of splitting the sermon into two parts. One before the Azan in the language of the people. One after the Azan, after a pause for sunnah. The one after the Azan is in Arabic and is usually a ritualistic repetition of one of the Prophet's sermons. Then the 2 rakats are performed. Technically only after the Azan does the Jumah prayer begin. I'll call this the "2 Khutbah Solution": The Arabic Khutbah only really needs someone who has memorized the ritual sermon, or at least can read it... It is a good way to honor the elders of the community to ask one of them to do this and then lead the congregation in the 2 rakats. We have tons of elders, we should have no difficulty finding different ones to honor in this way. Now... For those who desire a sermon they can understand. We would still have the pre-Azan sermon. I think any community member should be allowed to address the congregation about any issue they care about. Just check with the masjid administration if the slot for this week is open. If it is then you just got yourself 15 minutes before the Azan. The sermon could be given by MAN, WOMAN, MUSLIM, NON-MUSLIM, YOUTH, anyone. Groovy!... I can bring a rotten tomato or egg to throw at the speaker in case I find the pre-Azan sermon boring or stupid. I've wanted to do it to soo many self righteous khateebs. This way no harm comes to my prayer cuz technically it wouldn't have even begun... What do you think?... I'm absolutely serious about these ideas. From what I've read, the above innovations wouldn't be violating the prayer requirements, its simply a modification of existing tradition and we'd solve serious issues of community involvement and empowerment. VIVA LA REVOLUCION!! peace and love.

marriage is

any relationship i have with another person is intertwined with my understanding of religion... A friend of mine is a student of an american sufi scholar. A few years ago, at his wedding, his teacher gave an interesting khutba. He said that marriage should be seen as a means to an end, this is the only way to make it successful... What end? I didn't quite like the idea of that. Some friends of mine used to think that they should find someone that is better than them so that they would be improved through the marriage. I didn't like that idea. So when the scholar said that the spouse should be a means to an end, I remembered my friends. But, for the scholar, unlike my friends, the end was the end of all ends. The ultimate goal was to be in the company of the Divine Beloved. At the time I thought he was talking about heaven. Many muslims cherish the idea of being able to see God in heaven, and thats their reason to get to heaven. its their ultimate goal. But now... I think that statement: "in the company of the divine" can actually mean a whole lot more. if the meaning can go beyond heaven and hell and include our earthly life... The scholar said that misunderstandings and differences about worldly things always arise between people. But there is away that differences can be kept from becoming problems. Both partners must decide that a marriage is for a higher purpose. Both must agree on that purpose. Both must be willing to let go of self in order to not destroy the chance to achieve the highest goal. No goal is higher than to be a companion of a beloved, especially if the beloved is Divine. because those that love God, are said to recieve is love in return... become a beloved of the Divine. Divine Love is the ultimate love. That is heavy duty stuff indeed. Hey, I believe it exists. I want to have complete faith in this.... Now, how do you become a lover of the divine?... On one of the TV channels here they show West Wing all then time (a show about the US presidency), its one of the only things I watch on TV regularly these days, anyways, in one episode they said a line that is stuck in my head now: “Act as ye have faith, and faith will come” it might sound like hypocricy. But I think its a good kind of hypocracy. Why? There are things that faithful people do. I may not feel that I have complete faith yet, but I should force myself to do those things. Because... The idea is that my actions have an effect on other people. So, I may not care for that filthy poor drunk down the street. But what if I was him, I should WANT to care about him. SO, I should force myself to go buy a burger and give it to him. The more I do it, the more I begin to do it instinctively. So, I guess the same can apply to love in marriage: If I want to have a loving relationship with someone, I should force myself to do loving acts. In the end, Love is like Grace from God, it comes from outside of the self, it is not under my control. If it comes it comes, if it does not, then at least there are loving acts being performed and the world has a bit more beauty in it.... Now how does this relate to my understanding of the religion of islam? There is a saying of Prophet Muhammad that this religion has three aspects to it: islam, iman, and ihsan. Islam is submitting, commiting yourself to following "the way", the shariah. Iman is beileving, having faith in the unseen. Ihsan means beauty, Ihsan results from practicing Akhlaq. Akhlaq = selfless acts, manners, good relations. Akhlaq as the means to Love requires a belief in Love. Akhlaq is the way selflessness develops. The theory is based on actions. Selfless acts chip away at the ego. Less Ego = More Faith (in Love). This is the principle that drives me. It drives my actions and my social activism. It will also drive my marriage.... At the time that i heard that sufi scholar at my friends wedding, I didn’t understand islam this way. Maybe this is what the sufi scholar was telling us. After being a captive of Rumi and Hafiz for the past few years. After teaching Akhlaq to teenagers, I have a deeper understanding of what he might have been saying: 1-Make myself able to love through selfless acts... 2-Make another person the object of my selfless loving acts, eventually becoming a lover of that person... 3-Know that people have a divine spirit; Know that the soul is a mirror that reflects the divine; Know that God manifests His divine attributes through people; Know that by loving the person I am loving the divine as well... 4-Once I love him, Allah accepts me as a divine beloved..... i become a recipient of divine Grace, Peace, Mercy, and thus a manifestation of these attributes. Thus the other person is a means to the highest goal. And if one is mystical enough, and aware enough, one would realize that Loving the partner as a manifestation of the divine, would make that PERSON the highest goal. So when I say "I love you" I am simultaniously, and with full force, saying "I love you Allah" and vice versa. Majnun's Layla. Rumi's Shams.... All of the above is possible without going through the formalities of "marriage"... It can be said that the only way to really know and love Allah is to love another person. No type of love is higher than the type refered to as Ishq. Ishq is the intense feeling to attain union with a beloved companion. And I guess Muslims constructed marriage so that order can be maintained in the community, Ishq without some sort of control to protect the individuals and community was probably seen as a danger... So, the only thing I look for is, can the person be someone that I can love in this way. In the end it would be nice if the love was returned, but i guess it wouldn't be necessary. Now... As for the mundane aspects of marriage: A legal means of procreation; designed to safeguard lineage; designed maintain patriarchical order; designed to control human lust. Its simply a contracted relationship between two people. Three issues come to mind that would make it a happy one: attraction, compatibility, selflessness... my thoughts on these later