And just like that, My mamujan is gone.
It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
A few months ago I thought to myself,
Ain't no problem as long as mamujan is here.
But now that he is gone...

problem...

time to reevaluate


I hope the four months I was on the field was enough to give me the self confidence I need to do what he used to do. I hope the rest of the staff is good enough to deal with whatever I can't do.

Its been one thing after another

since June 2013



no time for rest and for things to settle down.
was there ever such a time.
is this what adulthood is like.
is this what my father's life was like.

OR do things get better.

If there is a god, and he makes things happen for a reason,
There better be a good one for all the suffering we have had to endure over the past three years. After giving almost my entire life to his service, he sure seems to be putting me through the ringer.

but in the end i dont think there is a reason to any of this.
these things happen independent of reason.
they just happen
and it is up to us to deal with them.
either we will grow in the process.
or we will succumb to the pressure and our own demons will take us down.

I was not by my father's side when he died.
So this was my first experience being at a loved ones side as he exhaled for the last time.


A client of ours, who worked with him for years, had this to say:

Its the good ones that get taken so early,
yet bastards who cause so much misery and pain get to live on.

It's the first time i really thought to myself:
why would a loving god do this?

If he is the one who makes things happen,
why make cancer happen in him,
The world gets one less good one.

One less person out there selflessly giving,
selflessly spreading joy and happiness.
sacrificing of his time and energy for his family,
his clients, his neighbors.

It truly sucks when you think about how unfair it is.
Its the type of thing that makes one lose faith in a loving god.