Confused In Miami

This is the first time I am sharing my views with many of you.
Things are good here in Miami. Alhamdulillah
It's an interesting time to be a Muslim activist.
Even though I'm not very active these days. We're all trying hard to understand what being an "American Muslim" REALLY means. But, It's sad that some groups are going on with the usual activism as if Sept.11 was JUST another time to respond to Hate Crimes and a dawah opportunity.

I found myself agreeing with both Abou el Fadl and Hamza Yusuf and am still going through an intense "introspective pause." But it seems to me that those who are taking the time to look inward and reflect are those who aren't already indoctrinated by "the movement" or blindly critical of it:

-Salafi/Wahhabi groups are still ranting about "Haram"
-Hamza Yusuf "groopies" are still organizing more deen intensives to preserve islamic "tradition"
-"Mujahiddin" supporters are still defending suicide attacks
-Secular muslim still continue to critize "fundamentalism"

Where is the introspection?
I don't see it.
except in a very small group of us.

I don't expect the average muslim to become an instant philosopher. And now I won't expect the average activist to philosophize either, cuz their "shaykh" or amir is seem to have done it for them.

After much reading and reflection, i've come to this conclusion.
any group that does NOT stand up for God's universal principles of Love,
Justice, Truth and Human Dignity; and instead speaks the language of HATRED is suspect to me, this includes:
-the US and Britian - who claim to Hate "Terrorism"
-the Taliban, Wahabbists - who Hate fellow Muslims/women
-and any other "ISLAMIC" movements who hate "THE WEST"

One friend told me that Suicide attacks that kill civilians are wrong in America, BUT..In Palestine...etc, etc, etc

Also, most reps of the american branches of various movements condemnded the Sept.11 attacks and said "Islam means Peace," while their own supreme leaders in India or Egypt or Arabia, or wherever, were running in the streets chanting "Down with America!","We Declare Jihad"

and "the movement" expects non-muslims to NOT think of jihad as "holy war."
regardless how much you say:
"No No, Jihad REALLY means..."
your actions say otherwise.

ITS SAD BRO's and Sis's,
we don't see the ideological or methodological inconsistency in our thought and actions, but the Media and non-Muslims do!
and when they call us out and report about it we send out the usual reactionary
responses and blame them for stereotyping and misrepresenting Islam.
it makes us look like fools who can't think straight.

But...
I guess Muslims ARE fools who can't think straight.

We lost touch with our rich intellectual and cultural heritage and the scholars of that heritage who searched the sources, philosophized, debated, and wrote about the Divine revelation that is there to protect our souls.

I told that friend that we shouldn't be like secular communist fighters or desesitized american techno-warriors who use inhumane tactics to destabilize there opponents,

I would rather fight a war in a dignified and principled way and lose than to be an unjust barbarian driven by Hate and wipe out my enemy with suicide attacks, as in Israel that kill innocents, or with cluster bombs dropped from above, as in Afghanistan.

But man, its hard to say this to a friend who has seen his family or friends killed by the Indian or Israeli War Machine. I won't pretend to understand oppression or what drives them to use the unjust logic of suicide attacks. At the same time, I won't say that it's all good in the name of Allah. I pray that Allah gives
them patience in this time of struggle.

For the moment my activism is centered around giving presentations on Islamic Art for local MSA's. Other than that, I am extremely reluctant to work with most groups. I'n not even sure that groups consistent and coherent in thought and action exist.

peace and love.

al hadid

first...last...hidden...manifest...all knowing Allah!
for me, that whole sura (Chapter#57 al-hadid/iron)
is VERY powerful.
it had a major effect on me about 8 months ago...

before i came back to miami,
i was living alone in a small apartment in austin.
i'd started reading thomas cleary's "the essential koran."
its a clean translation of the most spiritual verses.
i was reading it everyday after fajr.
i'd also started drawing islamic geometric designs.
each drawing took hours. sometimes days
each drawing required full concentration...
no tv...
no one else home...
no distractions...
no class tomorrow...
so, i started drawing a complicated one. a brainbuster.
i totally lost track of time...
til the alarm went off at dawn...
usually i was half asleep at fajr time.
but not this morning, man...
after i stoped concentrating on the design.
i was wide awake and my mind was TOTALLY clear.....

it was a very peaceful morning.
the weather was cool those days so i kept my windows open and my a/c off, i could hear the birds sing outside every morning...
so...
i prayed... started to read qur'an...
and got to sura al-hadid!
i'd never read this entire surah in english before.
i couldn't stop reading...
one verse pulled me to the next....
each adding to the power of the message.
when i got to the end i read the surah again.
it was just as powerful the 2nd time.
i closed thomas cleary's translation and went to my bookshelf and grabbed my other translations. i flipped frantically to the sura and read it again.
after i was done i just sat there for a while.....
i was in awe....
before this experience, i would SAY that i believed the Qur'an to be the word of God. i had been taught to believe that from childhood. but THIS was the first time i really BELIEVED that what i'd just read was Allah's Word...
i just sat there for a while,
sayin "Glory be to Allah"
subhanallah.
first...last...hidden...manifest...all knowing Allah!

got god

a modern scientist only believes in reason, can the existance of god be proved using only rational arguments or empirical evidence, i'm sure any mention of the words "soul" or "faith" will not satisfy. most athiests are like this too, they want proof that doesn't contradict logic and their 5 senses. I suck at logic so i'll refer to
IBN RUSHD(a classical muslim scholar from 1126-1198)
he may have answer to the question of god using sound logic....

now... a person who is seeking spiritual peace (not proof) wants to hear a concept of god that explains "why" and "who". many people are turning to hinduism and buddhism because they can find an internal peace in those concepts of god. they NEED to hear the word "soul" and "faith" and "love". We all want an UNSEEN that makes sense:

i say Love exists...
you know...
that feeling you would get if your mom died...
now...lets call that place within us that is able to love, the soul...

sure, love may simply be a product of the brain that is unique to each individual...

but, lets say its more than that, lets say love is universal
...that it is one.
(that i love my mom the same way you do).
so...if our love is the same, and it not a product of the brain but arises from someplace else, the soul, then our souls should also be similar.
now...if something is similar it must be created that way.
our soular essenceseses should be one...
am i making any sense???

i believe in loving souls. i can't believe something like loving souls can happen by chance, but i CAN believe that there is an unseen force out there that makes our unseen similar souls in all their groovy loverability.
so...I say, there's got to be a creator!
a creator who made them the same way...
to be able to love that creator the same way.
SO...THERE GOT TO BE A DIVINE CREATOR,
call him by whatever name you want.

BUT...and this is a big but...
how can he create souls and then let'em roam around hate'n
not living up to their potential lovliness or loverhoodness?
this creator obviously didn't want us all happy all the time.
this creator should at least open up the hearts of people now and then and let them become master lovers who can guide the rest of us??
now... maybe sent us guides who taught us how to love him.
master lovers like Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammad
ok ok...i can't PROVE they communicated with the love master himself.
but they sure knew a thing or two about love!
and they said he is Alone, One, Absolute, Eternal, etc.etc.
and that he is closer to us than our jugular vein.
So... The Creator is Here...
He's speaks to us all the time...
but he is using the hidden language of Love.
and We can only know him through our soul because only our soul is able to understand the language and appreciate the awesome power of love.
So... THERE IS A GOD.
HE IS ONE AND HE LOVES US.
the writings of the classical muslim scholar Imam GHAZZALI tell me that love is the foundation of islam.

conclusion...
most of us are only muslims because we were born muslims, Alhamdulillah. but, we don't know our concept of god. i read, and try to be aware of my surroundings. hoping that the answers will come!!