Our family had a big celebration last week. It was my son Zarar's first birthday. We celebrated it alongside the aqeeqah of my newest nephew Ahman Alexander. In the aqeeqah my brother-in-law introduced everyone to his son's godfather.
When he first told me that his son was going to have a godfather, i thought to myself: "wasn't a godfather someone who participates in the baptism of a christian child. why would a muslim need one of those." What did it mean that he was going to do this:
was it a manifestation of an inferiority complex?
was it a conscious attempt at assimilation?
or was it just that he liked the movie a whole lot?
maybe it was a combination of all three?
at the event he said that he was going to do something a little modern.
but having a godfather is anything but modern,
it is quite traditional... among christians that is.
whatever the motivation was,
after thinking about it, I think its a good idea.
There is definately more to living as a Muslim in America then just Indegenizing traditional Muslim things into an American context. There is nothing wrong with Islamizing traditional American practices. Of course, an argument can be made that having a godfather is more then just a simple American practice like a thanksgiving dinner or a friday night fish fry, it is a specifically Christian thing to do. Hence for a Muslim to do it, would constitute a discouraged if not a prohibited thing, and something NOT to be done.
But to make such an argument one must prove that when Christians created such a thing called a "godfather," it was based on the teachings of anti-islamic elements of their religion and that it was not just a cultural thing that evolved in their societies. Some jews seem to have incorporated a godfather into circumcision ceremonies. So maybe Muslims can find a place for one in the Aqeeqah. I must admit I have to do more research, but based on a simple wikipedia search, it is a cultural phenomenon, and thus, in my opinion, an acceptable thing to assimilate into our American Muslim culture. A godparent seems to simply be someone other then a parent, who ensures a childs moral and religious upbringing. Maybe I'm wrong.
But if I am right, and it is something that we can Islamize, then what should be the role of my child's godfather? Traditionally a godfather's role is NOT that of care giver. I have certain responsibilities as a care giver to love, discipline, feed, clothe, and shelter my child. And if, God forbid my wife and I are gone, then another family member can be responsible for these things. But what about moral character, religious belief, and guidance.
As a Muslim father, I will have failed my children if they don't know basic morality and religion. akhlaq, islam, and iman. I am the primary person responsible for ensuring that my child:
1-believes in Allah, knows how to pray to Him, and read the Quran in arabic;
2-not only knows that giving charity is among the best actions, but learns how to do from my example;
3-is able to fast in Ramadan as soon as he or she is able to, without giving excuses;
4-believes that Allah will judge us for the good and the bad we do in our lives, and either reward us with happiness or punish us with pain;
5-believes in and knows about the life of Muhammad, that Allah guided us about what was good and bad through messengers like him, and that he, Muhammad Rasulallah was His the final prophet;
6-knows that the ultimate moral message of Islam is no different then the golden rule: treat others the way you would like to be treated;
7-and good moral character comes from controlling greed, jelousy, arrogance, anger (so no terrorism!) and what Imam Ghazali described as the 2 desires: food and lust (so no sex before marriage!)
Should I be allowed to subcontract the teaching of these things out to a godfather?
Ok sure, if I don't have adequet knowledge myself, then maybe the actual training can be done by someone else, if not a godfather, then at least a sunday school or something. ALL muslims should know and practice enough of the above to teach it to their own children, it is a sad sign that I've had to teach these things to high school age Muslims in sunday school. But anyways, I'm glad that their parents think enough about them to send them there.
As far as my own kids go, maybe I can do this myself, but it doesn't hurt to select a responsible person to ensure they get this minimum moral and religious guidance, as a backup if I am not able to do it. Aside from being someone who provides a moral and religious safety net, this person should serve the secular function of a mentor and good example throughout my child's life. It should be someone who practices what is preached, and even better if it is someone who has no need to preach, because my child goes willingly for advice, or for a second opinion (after mine of course). A young Muslim could use someone like this while growing up. Its tough being in a minority with different values from the mainstream. Most youth don't have a mother like mine who helped me gain the benefits of muslim youth groups. Its not a bad idea to designate someone I trust to keep an eye on my child (even if its from a distance), in case things go off track, or I fail, or am absent, or am no more.
This reminds me of an incident that happened after my father's death. I had arrived in Pakistan for his funeral, and an uncle of mine came to visit us. He lived down the road from where we were staying and said that he'd be back later that night to pick me up, to be ready. He didn't give me a choice. I had to go with him.
I figure that he knew that there were things I needed to be told, that there was a way you tell someone these things, and that he wanted to be the one to tell them to me. I don't know his reasons, all I know is that he wanted to prepare me for the next phase of my life. To guide me. And I wanted to be guided.
He simply took me for a drive around the city in the middle of the night. Just him and me. He would say something and ask me if I understood. I would say yes, and he would continue. This lasted a few hours. I didn't realize it then, but I am grateful to him now. I needed what he provided to me that night. I needed more then a friend to talk to, more then a parent to comfort me, more then a younger sibling to comfort, more then the stream of visitors uncomfortably telling me to stay strong. I needed a guide in the darkness. Someone to reminded me exactly who my father was, who I was, and what I needed to do next.
After that night, I knew who it was I would go to if I was feeling lost, or confused. Now... my guide in my darkest hour was not someone designated by my father as my godfather. If my father had picked someone to guide me, I don't know if that person would have done a better job, then this uncle did? But... what if that uncle was not there, down the block? And what if my father didn't have all those great friends of his telling me, "I'm here for you if you need me."?Well... a godfather would have been useful.
I guess I was lucky I didn't need one.
